I just dreamt that I finally met someone that I really liked (apparently a character from Dexter, lol, Deb's partner Quinn) and we were walking on the street after some party or get together and then we were cornered by a group of like 7 weirdos who started asking us if we believed in Jesus Christ and then pulled out a bunch of guns and were threatening to kill us! So we were running from them and the guy I was with had a gun too but it didn't have any bullets, and we kept running and climbed up into this building to hide but they found us there again - and then I woke up. What does this mean.

I'm in South Florida. My sister left. My parents are at work. I am reading the Picture of Dorian Grey.

I've been feeling kind of down this evening, disappointed/irritated with myself. I went to the gym but I felt sick to my stomach after working out for about 20 minutes so I just left. Which I hate doing. Then I went to the Central Market on my way home to pick up some salads and different foods for dinner and I ended up spending way too much money. Which I also hate doing. Ugh. Sometimes the culmination of little things like this that are chinks in my armor of discipline perturb me so much. I have a voice in my head that is so hard on me sometimes (I know I sound crazy here, but I'm sure this happens to everyone to some degree?)

But then my mind went back to normal and I just thought - ok wait a second, you're awesome, remember? Reviewing my accomplishments in my mind makes me feel a lot better. I've worked towards a lot of big things! That I'm proud of! I've lived in Europe and South America, I've purposely and painstakingly lost 30 pounds, I've gotten an advanced degree before the age of 24, I've moved across the country alone! I felt better reminding myself of those facts! And tomorrow is another day anyway. So anyways, a little self affirmation there.

I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do in the new year. Making lists and writing things down. Not really resolutions but plans of action. I want to lose 20 more lbs - which will take 3-5 months. I want to finally go on the themed/organized group bike rides in Dallas (for which I must get my tire/tube replaced). I want to be a Core Volunteer for Habitat - and I'm already scheduled for builds and CV orientation. I kind of want to be a tourist in Dallas and go to all of the touristy spots. My biggest goal of the moment is paying off all the credit cards and I'm almost there! Ok, about half way there. But it will feel so good once that is complete.

Another goal - is to not date ANYMORE. I'm seriously so exhausted of the rigmarole. Get to know someone, eventually figure out that they suck for whatever reason, decide to break up with them but put it off for awhile because it's awkward and then end up resenting them because you've already checked out of the situation but they don't get it yet. It may be that I go through phases/cycles of wanting to date/be in a relationship but right now I just want to be ALOOONNNNE forEVVVVERRRR.

Well, that's whats going on for now. Work is going ok and I'm having fun there. Looking forward to being at home with my family for about a week. Trying to pick up some Cajun phrases from some folks at work btw, les bon temps roulez!! (let the good times roll!)

Listening to Christmas music at home its making me really happy!!!
Waiting for my walnut/balsamic pear/gorgonzola flat bread pizzas to come out of the oven. Mmmmm.
Going out in a few hours to my favorite pub (The Old Monk) to break up with the guy I've been dating for the last month or so. It's just. Sooo. Over. Hate overly clingy guys. Ew.
Fixed the garbage disposal in my apartment today. By myself. With a tool. It felt awesome.
Drinking Fin du Monde. Love it.